when i grow up, i wanna be...my mom?

In honor of Mother's Day... a repost!

Due to my young age and not actually being a MOTHER, I never realized how true the theory that most women turn into their mothers is until I became a sort-of wife to my live-in boyfriend, Kevin (who is now my husband) and a somewhat MOM to my beloved dog, Nala. Moving in with Kevin was where I first began acting like Queen Jean (my mom, as Kevin endearingly refers to her). I found myself getting frustrated with the very same things for which my mother once reprimanded me, my siblings and step-father back in the day. When I thought she may be a little crazy, now I realize it was years of repressed frustration coming out in her overreaction about the sink being full of dishes when there is a DISHWASHER directly NEXT to the sink. I totally get it because it’s happening to me.

From the bath towels being left on the floor rather than hung on the hook RIGHT ABOVE the floor to not closing the cereal box so when I pour my next bowl of Smart Start I am gnawing and scissoring on the supposed-to-be light and crunchy flakes to gross shaving remains (guck) spread all over the bathroom sink and floor to dirty clothes being strewn about the living room practically hanging from the ceiling fan.

At first, I took this very lightly and didn’t want to seem like the overbearing irrational house”wife” and I’d politely ask Kevin to be a little more considerate and hang up his towel or simply put his dirty laundry in the LAUNDRY basket and NOT in the living room on the papasan…I mean, they make a LAUNDRY basket specifically for THIS. Its not like it is complicated to open and close…OPEN the lid…THROW in the clothes…CLOSE the lid.

As months of this behavior from Kevin (whom I have affectionately deemed the Cat in the Hat) went on, I realized that my mother was actually quite SANE for NOT wringing our necks and that it can become unbearably frustrating. And my reactions are SO similar to hers. Rather than letting Kevin’s clothes stay strewn about, I pick them up and put them away, knowing full well that I should let them sit all over the house until he picks them up, but I simply CANNOT... and I never understood why my mom felt so compelled to clean up after us... until one day, I found myself grumbling about not wanting to pick up after Kevin and it occurred to me…this is what drives moms and wives to breaking points, to insanity. Back then, I didn't think it was a big deal for my sneakers and sports equipment to be piled in the foyer? I didn’t get it... until I started running my own home.

Without necessarily knowing it or doing it purposefully, my mom has taught me to take pride in my home and to cherish what I keep inside my home; to stand up for what I believe (whether it be as deep rooted as politics or as simple as cleaning up after oneself). Though I was aggravated and annoyed as she would rant about gathering everyone’s belongings and assign us chores, she was teaching us morals and values that I pray to one day instill in my own children... or Kevin for that matter. (Actually, Kevin has made dramatic improvements in the last 7 years and I cannot complain at all!!)

Though hesitant to point it out to me b/c A) its scary to admit that your girlfriend is a lot like her mother for fear of seeming attracted to her mother and B) as a woman, it is frightening to hear the first few times that you are so much like your mother, the woman you swore you would not be like for all of your adolescence, Kevin frequently reminds me that I am so much like my mom. I was offended at first because I wanted to be MY OWN person, not like ANYONE else – but now, I aspire to be MORE like her and to raise my someday children as she raised me... and to love them as unconditionally as she loves my 3 siblings and me.

She is such a free-spirited confident woman who sincerely does not care what people or society think of her. And through my teen years, I never understood why she wasn’t embarrassed as she sang OUTLOUD down the aisles of the market... I, of course, was mortified. But now I appreciate her little ways because it makes her so unique and it is truly one of her most appealing qualities. She literally sings to her own tune and stays true to herself, not compromising her goals, ethics or personality for anything or anyone.

Thankfully, I am starting to notice that I am a lot like her in the free-spirited nature. I am a little quirky and I often get puzzled looks thrown my way but – it doesn’t bother me like it used to. She gave me confidence in being myself. We have bonded over becoming so similar... and she is one of my favorite people on earth.

Even better, as she gets older, she somehow gets younger and more free-spirited. And she is morphing into my adored late grandmother whom, with all my might, I wish Kevin had gotten the chance to meet. She was a genuine soul and MY mom is turning into her! Its remarkable and I am so grateful because in a way, Kevin gets to meet my grandmother through my mother.

One day, I imagine, I will morph into my Mom and perhaps my daughter will feel as lucky as I do. I love you, Mom!