appreciation

As I wade through this sea of change before me, I am frequently struck with a number of overwhelming emotions and sensations.

Happiness.

Fear.

Pride.

Admiration.

Love.

Doubt.

Appreciation.

I've been given a lot of time recently due to some unfortunate circumstances on the career front... but I've never felt happier. This "free" time has allowed me to reflect on everything behind and in front of me. To consider the future. To get back to me. To appreciate it all. These emotions are more intense than I've ever felt. I've never been so full of an urge or desire or a sensation as I have since becoming pregnant. I realize that hormones influence my perception and reception but honestly, it has been a wonderfully eye opening time.

Above all else, I've found true appreciation to be the most intense, the most humbling, and the most gratifying experience.

As we approach the day in which we find out if it will be a little boy or a little girl molding our future together as a family, I am full of apprehension and insecurity. I do not care whether that anatomy scan shows boy or girl parts; I just want to see a healthy baby. A perfectly healthy little baby of ours.

It may sound cliche but its the honest truth. I have no idea what to expect as far as sex is concerned so frankly, I will not be shocked and I will feel blessed with either.

What's funny is that prior to getting pregnant, I would've told you I wanted a boy. I have always felt that I was going to have a boy first... until I got pregnant and now I have absolutely no intuition about the sex at all. And really, that just seems so inconsequential. While I am so anxious to find out, I am that much more excited to get all the test results and hear/see that our baby is totally healthy and on the normal path of development.

Today, the day before a lot is revealed, I feel so fortunate to have the most amazing husband in the world, to be sharing this experience with my kid-at-heart best friend... who is going to make the most amazing father and who continuously makes me whole.

I stumbled across this blog today and all I have to say is prepare your tissues before you read. Its a true story about a man who lost his wife right after she gave birth to their first child (a beautiful little girl). The blog is full of stories and pictures and it really brought me again to that humbling place. Appreciation.

Things that used to matter so much don't seem nearly as important...